Mr. Garrison gets a sex change operation, but when he realizes he is incapable of having a period, he tracks down the doctor to change him back. Meanwhile, Kyle goes to a plastic surgeon to turn himself black so he can be a star basketball player.
Cartman attempts to rid South Park of hippies, but ends up in jail for wrongfully imprisoning the hippies in his house just as a hippie music festival has been announced.
Token becomes a singer while the boys try to run a talent agency and represent the City Wok owner's wife.
Kenny is left in a persistent vegetative state, beginning a war between Cartman, who wants him to die so he can inherit his Sony PSP, Heaven, who needs his spirit to fight a war against hell, and those who feel he should be kept alive.
The boys try to lose their baseball games on purpose so they can avoid having to play all summer. Randy gets into training to fight the other fathers at the games.
The kids of South Park retaliate against Cartman by ignoring him, causing Cartman to think that he has died, but isn't allowed to go to the afterlife until he atones for his sins on Earth.
Jimmy starts getting erections and worries about performing in the school talent show, so he sets out to get rid of his erections by having sex with a woman.
Cartman and Stan crash a boat into the world's largest beaver dam above the town of Beaverton. Afterwards, global warming is blamed, and the town enters a state of emergency.
Butters fakes his own death so he can pose as a girl named Marjorine and steal a paper fortune-teller.
After learning Mr. Slave will marry Big Gay Al, Mrs. Garrison vows to stop same-sex marriage and uses the kids in her class as an example of why homosexual couples would make poor parents.
Stan and Kyle turn Cartman redheaded and pale after Cartman does a report on how dangerous redheaded children are, but the prank goes too far when Cartman leads the "gingers" to fight for their rights by any means necessary.
Stan is dubbed the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard by a local group of Scientologists, causing a chain of bizarre events, such as Tom Cruise and John Travolta locking themselves in Stan's closet and R&B singer R. Kelly turning the whole affair into an urban opera.
Two aquarium workers trick the boys into thinking that a Killer Whale can talk, prompting the boys to liberate the animal and send him into space.
Randy's drinking problem is mistaken for a disease when he admits himself into Alcoholics Anonymous following an arrest for drunk driving. Meanwhile, a priest in a neighboring town discovers that his Virgin Mary statue is bleeding from its anus and declares it a miracle.